research document

Until last year, my personal work rarely included illustrations of myself. I found my own attempts to express what I looked like to be difficult and hadn’t worked on briefs that allowed me to explore this. Once I had started focusing on how I felt, rather than my appearance, I found that my self-identity could be represented through thoughts and emotions rather than the exterior accuracy.

This practice initiated a new method of self-discovery, through drawing based off of my state of mind and reflections, I was able to learn about myself in ways that just thinking about would not have resulted in, this form of self-expression allowed me to feel validated and understanding of difficult moments in my life. McCloud, S. states that that our faces are like a mask: “Facing outward... Seen by everyone you meet. But never by you." (pg. 34, 1993).

Digital Camera Album

In my work, I aim to simultaneously blend my character into the surrounding; giving myself shadows and presence in the environment, whilst also stating the obvious that I am clearly out of place, a sense that I don’t belong in this world.

Physically, my character may be there but internally my character was never made to fit in. I feel somewhat similar to this presentation in reality as well. In turn that idea is subtly communicated to the audience as an act of vulnerability, I’ve chosen to draw myself how I feel by also putting myself in an environment that has no place for me.

In my opinion, journalling is a slow and considered output of the things going on in my brain and heart. It's almost like untangling a ball of thread, however, sometimes it comes out even more tangled. So, I also enjoy photography. I feel it is a more 'matter-of-fact' way of documentation, it has less feeling needed to capture a photo, so it's a comfortable way to remember fondly of certain experiences purely from the visual aspect and the memory frozen in time. In this project, I create 'scene breaks' referencing these photos I've taken. I found that redrawing the scenes added the emotions that would've been there had I journalled, it created a new emotional image when I worked from photographs as I interpreted the scene again, but with my own hands and material. I was greatly inspired by "Oyasumi PunPun"'s visual style and the characterized style of the main character. Though it's quite a dark story and not an autobiographical work, the art, atmosphere and narrative really stuck with me. Below are some examples.

The act of remembering and thinking of the past has always resonated with me, I’ve journalled since I was a child, and I kept this habit consistently throughout secondary school and university. I always had the concept of myself in the future reading everything back, remembering the ‘who I was’ now as an older person with new experiences and beliefs.

During my recent work that explores documentation illustration, I found that drawing my thoughts throughout the day created a new enlightening experience, more whimsical, appreciative and joyous than purely written journalling. I believe that when someone writes and documents events and feelings in the present, it then pays tribute to the past once time moves on.

Here are some of my journals. Spanning all the way back from 2014, I saved pictures and various memorabilia from my childhood and even collaged some for the front pages of each journal. As I got older, I see my self change and grow as a person, less cake packaging from birthdays and candy wrappers, and more feeling and memento like objects like cards from concerts and writing. I have a habit of writing on post it notes when I feel profound feelings that I have the need to express immediately, in case I sit still a little longer and forever lose that emotion, I have the thought that I won't feel like this again in a while. In a way, through that idea and these journals, I'm always thinking of a version of me that's far away, no longer able to experience these moments and feelings again, and making sure to consider her aswell.

Oyasumi PunPun - Panels

Photo → Illustration Process Example

In later development, I express all these reminiscent, nostalgic ideas. I pull inspiration from memories, anger and heartbreak, happiness and half asleep thoughts and most importantly my past in order to document parts my life so far.

I aim to re-interpret and express feelings I have about things that happened to me, and draw with a sense of bittersweet attachment to these instances, good or bad.

Throughout my development process, I found documenting my own life to be both cathartic and amusing. Often I have the realization that I'm able to draw anything I want, and interpret anything however I feel, and this may have been the most I have ever used and honed that idea.
The most noticeable example of this is how I draw myself.

I found that this cartoon-ish characterisation of myself allowed me to focus less on how I perceive myself and instead focus on how I perceived and felt the world surrounding me.

I mentioned how documenting my life was cathartic, and I believe it helped me to digest and learn new things about myself, however, nearing the end of my project I'd realised that it was very painful at times too. When you spend so much time reminiscing and drawing memories, it's almost impossible to not think about what you had in the past, and what's long gone now.

Though it's quite a sad feeling, I think it's important and special in it's own right to be able to have had so many experiences important to me, that I miss so many things.

I found that comics was most effective in combining motifs from journaling and drawing to reanimate personal memories and feelings. I was greatly inspired by Anna Readman's "Dancing Queen" comic and had the opportunity to receive advice from her through email.

Some key advice I took from her:
• "I find the more authentic and honest you are the better your comics will be. This, of course, is up to your discretion and one of the caveats of making personal work is being willing to open up to your audience."

• "Humour in autobio comics is so important as it helps balance out the honesty and tragedy that is often present."

• "Why is this thought/idea/memory/experience so important that you need to put it on paper?"

Below are a collection of my short comics and chapter break illustrations.

When working on this brief, I didn't have all the answers at the start. It felt as though I was still figuring out why exactly I chose this focus. However gradually I realised, documentation has always been something I had my hand in. Journaling, drawing, taking photographs, making efforts to preserve the past, I'd been documenting my entire life without digging further into the reasons for it.

I had the opportunity to resolve these ideas and concepts, and further understand why it matters so much to me. With autobiographical comics, the honesty and vulnerability is a huge factor to relate to your audiences, however I felt that making and drawing for myself had the same effect. In being honest for my sake, it resulted in stories that readers, such as family and friends could understand and feel similar things I had in those moments.